a poem by Hafiz

The Seed Cracked Open

It used to be
That when I would wake in the morning
I could with confidence say,
What am 'I' going to
Do?

That was before the seed
Cracked open.

Now Hafiz is certain:

There are two of us housed
In this body,

Doing the shopping together in the market and
Tickling each other
While fixing the evening's food.

Now when I awake
All the internal instruments play the same music:

"God, what love-mischief can 'We' do
For the world
Today?"

crawling quickly

I just realized I was putting a week behind up on the "babers development" tab. So, I have completed 34 weeks and now I am in my 35th week! Wow- it seems like its going fast now. Just next month we'll have a baby! It seems pretty surreal to think about it that way. We can't wait to find out whether it is a girl or boy- we have had about half of the guessers say one and half say the other. I am just so excited to see who has been in there bumping around this whole time.

Speaking of bumping around, our little one has not been much of a kicker- they certainly move around at different times throughout the day, but much more rolling and stretching. Lots of other pregos I have met discuss the circus acts going on within their abdomens. I started to think something might be wrong. But then I heard that often the "in womb" temperament translates to out of the womb. The baby that kept you up all night pregnant, keeps you up all night when they are born. Maybe, my midwife proposed, its just more of a buddha baby. Now, wouldn't that be nice?- a relaxed, calm, introspective little human to take care of. I am just not so sure how Eric and I would have created that. Maybe another reason they are called little miracles...

photo from Brenna Giannini- http://www.gianniniphotography.com/

10 reasons bedrest rocks

10- I can wear comfy pants all day long
9- not feeling guilty about reading silly magazines
8- doing minimal work to make my meals and then not having to clean up (thanks babe)
7- I am just not allowed to do strenuous exercise
6- getting to watch cats sleep- kind of like paint drying but a little more meditative
5- netflix (thanks mom)
4- loads of time to contemplate being a parent, read books, feel prepared
3- always being able to say "while you're up..." (thanks again babe)
2- really feeling very little responsibility/pressure to do anything- when does that ever happen?
1- a little healthly person will be the end accomplishment!

required rest...

Shortly after returning from the coast, I got news about some blood tests and was put on bedrest. "Bedrest!?" was my reaction, too. I'd heard of people doing such a thing, but mostly in old books. I had no idea how common of a prescription it is today. In my case I am having signs of preeclampsia, which happens to 1/20 pregnant women, usually at the end of their third trimester. For me it started to happen a little earlier- 29 weeks to be precise- and so the most effective thing to do is bedrest. Preeclampsia is basically (from my understanding) a condition of vascular constriction, resulting in less flow of blood and therefore oxygen and nutrients. No one knows for sure what causes it. The idea behind the bedrest, specifically laying on the left side, gives the best perfusion to your liver, kidneys, heart, placenta, and therefore baby. And thus far the baby is doing just fine- it has all the right size parts and its own blood flow is good. So hopefully bed rest will keep everything moving along just swimmingly (I picture the little person swimming in there).
"What is bedrest?" you may wonder. Well, it ranges from people actually using a bedpan to being told to lie down a couple hours a day. I have a modified bedrest, where I can sit up to eat, and get up to shower and do one thing a day not lying down for 1-2 hours. At first this was a horrifying thought. It means not going to school, or work, or even real exercising. (My doc said I could walk, but think more of "strolling" and that would count as my activity for the day) Ay, ay, ay! Ok, I admit the thought of having to do nothing is appealing, until you are actually doing... nothing.
The first week was hard, just continually restraining myself to not sneak in doing something on a trip to the bathroom. Picking out my one task or activity seemed like punishment. I just felt well, restless.
But now, the end of my second week, some things have changed. I go through phases but in general feel more accepting, and even thankful to have all this time. It is like my mind has started to slow to meet my body. All the million things I would like to do are still there, however they are not screaming and running around in front of my face. It's almost as if I am just a tiny bit more mindful, and now that's a gift.
One fun thing I have done is knit this little hat. I made one for Ella, my neice, when she was born and now her cousin will have one too. I like that the top looks like a belly button, the babers source of nourishment! Oh, and the lil' bump has turned into a big bump-more pics soon.

babymoon

So, a couple weekends ago we took a "babymoon," which is like a little honeymoon you have before your baby is born- to celebrate your last time of just the two of you for....ever. Whoah sounds intense when I say it like that :) Thanks for the idea, Lauren!

It was so lovely to get away to the coast (in Oregon the beach is called the coast because you don't actually go lay on the beach in your bikini like the east coast- but sit on the sand for a while all wrapped up in a blanket admiring the coast). But there is still the salt air and the cute towns aplenty and kids eating ice cream. We went to Cannon Beach and stayed at a place right on the beach- thanks to Eric's cousin Kyleigh who works there.

There is a really wonderful used bookstore there, where we found a book from the fifties entitled "What to Name the Baby" in pink letters on a worn blue hardback cover. Mom, if you thought I was thinking of weird names before-watch out! We had a fabulous dinner at JP's- where they actually had a gluten-free menu. Mmmm... hazelnut encrusted halibut with a raspberry creme sauce. And, get this- the sun was out- for two whole days! I am not joking- yes sun, at the Oregon coast, in March. Unfortunately I forgot my camera and so cannot show proof :(

The third hump for lil' bump

I am technically in the third trimester- who hoo! Everything is still moving along fairly smoothly. I feel lots of baby movements now- usually after I eat, or when I move around a lot and then rest. The lil' bump doesn't move a lot at night, like a lot of people report- so maybe he/she already sleeps through the night! My only complaint is back pain, which really isn't so terrible compared to other complaints I have heard. But it is totally slowing me down. It is an old injury in my lower back that hasn't bothered me in over ten years- but pregnancy does weird things!

As soon as my back does stop hurting, I plan to do a bunch of gardening next week-yay spring break! My overalls don't fit anymore however, so I'll have to find some other clothes to get dirty in.

Oh and the baby opens and closes it eyes starting this past week- it can see a flashlight if you shine it on your belly. I won't do that, but hopefully we'll get some sun and I can introduce it to the firey ball in the sky that comes out once every so often here.

There's a bun in the oven...

Just this week I have had several people say, "I didn't know you were pregnant!" While I feel like I have been smuggling a 20 lb beach ball wherever I go for several weeks and experiencing mildly pleasant amnesia, apparently it hasn't been entirely noticeable!

Speaking of things in the oven- I am definitely hungry for various foods. I have been enjoying baking comforty delicious things (gluten-free, of course!) throughout most of my pregnancy. There must be some kind of programmed home-maker gene that turns on when you get knocked up because I have definitely been loving my mixer and having urges to wear aprons over my bulging bump.

And speaking of food again (didn't someone mention food?), I have had a few cravings. In the beginning I only wanted apples- baked apples, apple juice, apple chutney- you name it! Now it has changed more to citrus- yay grapefruit! I also have the funny typical cravings- peanut butter, pickles, ice cream, but not all together :)

The Babers likes yoga!

I am pretty sure whatever yoga I do, the baby enjoys. It gets more swishy and gives some thumps in Shivasana. But I am not sure how long I'll be able to pull off those sun salutations for! The Mayan Massage woman told me a little more about the idea of not lifting heavy things- which is what my body is starting to feel (heavy!). Apparently it is easier to pull the ligaments that keep the uterus in place in pregnancy and therefore throw the physiology off. She even said that in other cultures women are empowered by telling other people to do things for them. Eric must think we live in another culture:) As long as you don't bear down however, your not really going to pull anything. I hadn't gotten a straight answer on the whole lifting/not lifting things in pregnancy so it was good to have a little understanding.

Things are going well- check out The Babers Development for what it is doing this week!

I just keep growing

and growing and growing... I cannot believe I am already in week 24, it all happens so fast!! So far I have had a pretty easy pregnancy. Save for some nausea and some definite exhaustion in the first few months, I feel very lucky.

My experience with all the pregnancy hormonal shifts has been fairly pleasant. Generally I feel a sense of ease and well being- I am guessing that is the progesterone- and sometimes I feel more edgy- I am guessing that is the estrogen- but overall totally manageable. I do feel really creative lately and just want to make and design things. I have been making some jewelry and doing lots of planning- how to set up our backyard, yay we have a yard! - and how to arrange the bedrooms and decorate for the baby. I guess this is nesting!

I just started feel ing the baby's movements regularly. For a while they were all the way on the left of my abdomen and not very often. But, last weekend I had some Mayan abdominal massage, and it was amazing! It is a type of massage designed to encourage proper placement of your internal organs. People who aren't pregnant benefit from having their organs in all the right places so they function optimally for digestion and hormone regulation. Pregnant women benefit from having their uterus in the right place so that ligaments aren't squished and pregnancy and delivery happen more easily. So, when I came in she told me my uterus was positioned on the left. After the massage, I feel a lot more movements and they are in the center of my belly, rather than all on one side, and it kind of popped out and took some pressure off my tummy- my heartburn has gone away too! Good work 'lil bump :)